Specifically, the article details five tips for telling your kids that you and your spouse are getting a divorce. One of the most important pieces of advice here is not to shy away from using the word divorce. As they put it in the article, “You should definitely use the word ‘divorce.’ Many people are uncomfortable with that word, but you should begin by saying what is true: ‘We have decided to get a divorce.’” It’s one of many great pieces of advice in an article that’s work the click-through and the read.

This is an expanded version of the points he spoke about on air with host Katherine Kiesel:

Don’t assume you know tax rules — always asks a tax expert whatever questions you have about your assets, your known tax liabilities, income, and deductions.

Don’t make financial decisions that might impact divorce before asking a tax expert. (Preferably, ask the expert who has done your taxes and your spouse’s taxes in the past.)

If your spouse has always done the tax returns, get copies and take them to an accountant you trust.

Most importantly, don’t leave everything up to your spouse when it comes to divorce proceedings.

He also reviewed the most common questions regarding divorce and taxes — here they are, with answers:

Is the property settlement taxed?

Answer: The financial assets, liabilities and the stuff we divide is not a taxable event. You’ve paid the tax once to accumulate it — so there’s no need to donate again.

Can I cash out my or my spouse’s retirement account without penalty?

Answer: If you need to cash out a retirement account to get immediate cash there is normally a penalty of 10% in addition to the tax charged usually at 20% but ultimately you will pay the tax rate that is applied when you file your return.

The IRS will waive the 10% penalty under certain conditions. It is a little known Code # 72(T)(2)(C). It is available on a qualified plan and 401(k). It has to be your spouse’s retirement account, you have to be less than 59½ years old and only for plans that are divided by a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO).

Getting a distribution from an IRA is trickier and you have to follow the requirements very carefully to avoid the penalty. If you just want to divide a qualified plan, like a defined benefit plan, defined contribution plan or 401(k), the administrator will only divide or transfer through a QDRO. The exception is an IRA, which only needs a divorce decree to transfer the funds to the other spouse’s new IRA.

Is my spousal support taxed?

Answer: It can be contractual alimony, which generally is taxable to the recipient and deducted by the payor. But it can be structured as a non-taxable event to both spouses. Be sure to involve your tax preparer before signing on the dotted line to review the requirements and advantages for each approach.

The latest of these comes from Jeffrey B. Thomas, J.D./CIMA®/CDFA®, a Dallas-based Certified Private Wealth Advisor and Financial Advisor with Raymond James Financial Services, Inc. He’s contributed to the blog in the past, and in his latest article for the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas — which we’ve uploaded to the resource page — he details useful information on IRS Publication 504, which details tax laws (including exemptions) for divorcing couples jointly owning a home. Click here to download a PDF version of the article. It’s a must read — especially with the tax filing deadline about seven weeks away — for those who are divorcing and plan to continue owning a home together.

The article covers the history of collaborative law, an exploration of ethics as related to collaborative law, a comprehensive look at the Uniform Collaborative Law Act and how that has impacted collaborative law, a detailing of Tindall & England’s collaborative law track record (providing an interesting case history for illustrating how real-world collaborative law practice works), and a conclusion that collaborative law is here to stay as an option for divorcing couples. It’s a great read for anyone wanting to learn more about collaborative law from the perspective of a publication reaching out to an audience geared toward practicing family law.

The life-altering changes that occur in relationships during a divorce can produce a variety of feelings. One common feeling that individuals who are divorcing experience is loneliness. There may be times during the transition of divorce in which individuals may feel lonely, even among others in a familiar setting, without really understanding why.

There are a few common misperceptions about loneliness. Some persons believe that loneliness is a sign of weakness or immaturity, or an indication that there’s something wrong. A person feeling lonely may believe that he or she is the only one feeling this way, or may report feeling depressed, angry, afraid, and misunderstood. Individuals going through a divorce may become highly critical, overly sensitive, or self-pitying, or may also become critical of others, or even blame external factors for their situation.
With the development of these feelings, lonely individuals may then begin to exhibit behavior and thought patterns that increase their loneliness. Some may become discouraged, losing their sense of desire and motivation to get involved in new situations, and some may isolate themselves from people and activities entirely.
Others may overcompensate for lonely feelings by absorbing themselves too quickly and too deeply with people and activities, without evaluating the consequences of their involvement. They may later find themselves in unsatisfying relationships, or over-committed to outside activities.

It is essential to recognize that loneliness is a feeling that can be resolved. Loneliness is a common human experience. Loneliness is neither a permanent state nor “bad.” More accurately, it is an indicator that a person has important needs that must be fulfilled.

People experiencing loneliness can take action to meet their own emotional needs. One can begin by identifying which needs are not being met in a specific situation. There may be needs to reconnect with friends, discover new interests, or rekindle former pursuits. Learning to do things for oneself, without friends, can also open new pathways for self-fulfillment.

There are a number of ways to begin this need identification process. Consider the following:

• Remind yourself that current feelings of loneliness will not last forever.
• Look for ways to get involved with people during your normal daily schedule.
• Engage in activities (such as sports, hobbies, or volunteering) in which you have genuine interest. In so doing, you will be likely to meet people with whom you share common interests.
• Make use of community resources. Examples of these include special interest clubs, church groups, adult classes, and volunteer-based organizations.
• Use your private time enjoying and developing yourself outside the home. Recognize that there are many creative ways to connect or reconnect with your interests. Browse a bookstore, take private lessons, or listen to new music.
• Keep your home environment equipped with activities that you can use for personal satisfaction. Set up a small aquarium, clear some table space for working puzzles, or create a cozy reading space.
• Explore the possibility of doing things alone that you usually do with other people, such as going to the movies or trying a new restaurant.
• Expect positive results from trying new activities. An open mind and a sense of humor go a long way towards an optimistic outlook.

No matter how bad you feel, loneliness will diminish when you focus attention and energy on identifying your own needs. Once defined, this self-knowledge gives you the tools you need to be self-fulfilled and equipped to combat feelings of loneliness.

According to the organization’s official announcement, Tindall is being honored for his longtime dedication to dispute resolution and negotiation, calling him “a role model for lawyers who wish to transition from litigators to peacemakers.”

In particular, the ABA noted his leadership in the movement to bring collaborative law to Texas, culminating in two historic bills passed by the Texas State Legislature: the first-in-the-nation statute allowing for collaborative law to be used in divorce, and last year’s passage of the Uniform Collaborative Family Law Act, expanding the guidelines for how collaborative law is used.

Tindall is only one of two recipients of the Problem Solver award this year; the award is a testament to the work he’s done and the principles he ascribes to, and the Collaborative Law of Texas is honored that such an important member has received an honor of this magnitude.

This year’s event features more than 20 collaborative law experts — lawyers, mental health professionals, and financial professionals — who will present on a range of topics related to collaborative law. The conference’s first day is a half-day specifically geared for lawyers interested in practicing collaborative law. Click the links to see , along with registration information, is available a PDF highlighting all the topics, the registration page for the conference, and the registration page for the half-day conference.

Now, Sharples is sharing her insights about how divorcing parents can help their kids — and themselves — through the holidays on TV. This past Friday, she was featured in an interview that aired on Good Day Austin, the morning show for KTBC-TV (better known as Fox 7), Austin’s Fox affiliate. This short but informative interview gives a good overview of the information she shared in her blog articles, and is particularly helpful to those parents who might be looking to divorce in the coming year and wonder how next year’s holidays might be different.

There is an emotional aspect to every experience we have, and the holidays are no exception. Make it your goal to create a supportive emotional environment for your children at this time. If they are feeling sad, don’t try to jolly them out of their funk. Instead, validate their feelings and let them know that they are having a perfectly appropriate and understandable response to the challenging circumstances of this situation. With your loving understanding, they will feel heard, and better equipped to navigate the situation.

If it’s a gift-giving holiday like Christmas or Hannukah, you may face additional challenges. If there’s a wish list for presents, how can you avoid duplication? Ideally, talk with your ex to coordinate gifts and even support each other’s gift: If Suzy received a doll from her other parent, how about giving her some accessories for that doll? It’s also a time when your children might want to give their other parent a gift, and they need your help making or buying it. Try to support their generosity as best you can.

Another potential pothole presents itself when gift-giving is turned into a competition. Quite simply, don’t do it. Households have different perspectives on the meaning of gifts and material goods. Consider this a time for your children to experience difference, and let them draw their own conclusions about what gift-giving means to them.

As an intact household, you most likely had unique and treasured traditions around holidays. In your re-formed family, there is a delicate balance between preserving the traditions that continue to bring joy and meaning to the occasion, jettisoning the traditions that are a painful reminder of a version of your family that no longer exists, and creating new traditions that nurture the development and well-being of this new family form. This is an opportunity to include school-age children in the planning. Find out from them what traditions were important to them, and incorporate those traditions into your plans. Harness their creativity in crafting new rituals that will enable the family to express and celebrate the spirit of the season and don’t hesitate to think outside the box!

And then, of course, there are your emotions to manage. While modeling appropriate emotional responses is an important part of parenting, at raw emotional times, such as a first divorced holiday, you’ll probably need to expend a bit more energy than usual to ensure that your own vulnerable emotions aren’t on display in a way that your children might find overwhelming or frightening. This is also not a time to introduce significant, emotionally-charged information into the mix: don’t announce an upcoming relocation or introduce new romantic partners. Consider what the children are already contending with, and hold off on giving them further change to process.

Finally, recommit to what you already know. Do make a point of relating constructively with your ex. Don’t make disparaging remarks about him or her, or how he or she is choosing to celebrate the season. Don’t pump the kids for information about what’s going on at “the other house.” Do allow them to be excited about the time they will spend with their other parent and encourage it as best you can. Practice flexibility, adaptability and patience. And remember that, with time, all of this takes on a grace and ease that might be in short supply right now.

Divorce re-forms families. Instead of two parents living under one roof, there are now two homes where the children live, each with its own distinct culture and traditions. Ideally, the transition to this new world order goes smoothly, and the children adjust with relative ease. But even in the smoothest transition, holidays can represent a challenging time for divorced families.

There are functional considerations: What will the schedule be? How will gift-giving be managed across the households? What traditions will be carried over and what new ones will be created?

Then there are the emotional considerations: What will it be like to “celebrate” as this re-formed family and what memories will be stirred up? How are the children managing their feelings about being in a divorced family at a time when family takes center stage and for that matter? How are the parents feeling?

Most divorce decrees define how time with the children will be shared during various holidays. You and your ex-spouse may choose to follow this plan, or you may agree to a different schedule. Whatever the case, it is essential to have a plan well in advance, and to follow that plan. Your schedule is the first opportunity you have to reassure your children with a structure that they can rely on and, ideally, find comfort in.

Let them know by November 1st at the latest what the general schedule is. As details get worked out, share that information with them and tell them when, where and how you’ll be with them. If you and your ex are able to spend time together that’s comfortable and enjoyable for the children, go for it. But bear in mind that even the most artfully-masked tension rarely gets by a child’s keen radar.

The holiday season is also a time to enlist the support and cooperation of your extended family. If you know you won’t be with your children on Thanksgiving Day, invite the clan over when the children will be with you. Encourage the grandparents to fly in when they can spend time with the kids, even if that means celebrating a week before or after the official date. Adults tend to attach far more meaning to specific dates than children do, and relaxing your definition of holiday calendars can go a long way towards easing the stress of the season.

Coordination between households is another way to reassure your children that they are held in the loving arms of their family – albeit, a different version of that family. There’s certainly thoughtful consideration to be given to the schedule, and you and your ex-spouse are sure to appreciate each other’s understanding and flexibility around family gatherings, events, and even airline schedules.